94-year-old businessman, Akanbi Fashoro, reflects on his childhood, having been born into a poor background that never prioritised education. He shares his thoughts with TEMITOPE ADETUNJI on parenting and modern marriage, emphasising that respect and understanding are the cornerstones of a successful union
Whatare your earliest memories, and how have they shaped who you are today?
I was born into a polygamous home in Ilesa, Osun State. Love and unity were central, and despite the warmth at home, we lived in abject poverty. I often described my parents as having a “PhD in poverty.”
During my primary school years, Saturdays were a blessing. I started primary school at the age of nine, in 1949. I would earn a few shillings by cutting grass and cleaning the surroundings of neighbours. The money I earned usually went straight to my mother’s purse, and she would add to it to pay my school fees.
Our financial situation was so dire that my school gave me a uniform because they didn’t want me to continue wearing the old, tattered one, especially when representing the school in educational competitions.
My parents did their best to provide for us, though it was never easy. I am the only surviving child out of my father’s 16 children. We moved back to Ilesa when my father’s business in Ilorin collapsed, and I have remained in Ilesa ever since.
In those days, parents often preferred their children to work rather than go to school. In 1942, I was taken from Ilesa to Ilorin to work with my father in a business known as “Oso Ma lo,” which was popular among the Ijesha people.
Can you describe what your childhood was like?
I had a memorable childhood, even though my parents couldn’t always provide everything I wanted. I don’t hold it against them; they simply lacked the resources. If they had the means, I believe they would have done better.
One aspect of my childhood that I particularly cherish was my time as a student. I was very intelligent, and my academic achievements brought me joy. I had the privilege of representing my school in numerous competitions, which was a source of pride for both me and my family. However, whenever an opportunity arose for me to participate in international competitions, my parents would hold me back. They would insist I stay home, figuratively ‘tying me to a chair’, to prevent me from taking part in those opportunities. Despite this, I look back with gratitude for the experiences I had, and I quite understand their concerns now. Though it was frustrating at the time, they were simply ignorant.
What did you think were their fears?
They were afraid that if I travelled to Europe for any competition, I might never return home. Even when the Minister of Finance at the time supported my participation, my parents still refused. Their lack of understanding and fear held me back from advancing educationally.
I was naturally gifted in academics, and this was recognised by my peers and teachers. Other students would often seek me out for help, and I was promoted twice during my time in school. I was the best student, and my achievements earned me the admiration of teachers.
Despite the desire to further my education, I couldn’t because I came from a poor background where education was not a priority. My parents’ lack of awareness further hindered my academic aspirations. I couldn’t attend higher schools.
However, I am grateful for how far I have come and what I have achieved despite these challenges. Although my parents are no longer here, I was already successful before they passed on. My children had the opportunity to know their grandparents too, which is a blessing I cherish.
What was the most fulfilling part of your career?
I have operated many businesses but have been in hospitality for 35 years, starting in 1956. At one point, I became the managing director of an insurance company known as Charity Insurance Nigeria Limited. I later joined politics and was actively involved for years.
Can you tell us about your courtship and marriage? What exactly made your relationship with your spouse special?
Back then, I was already financially comfortable and, like many young men, I enjoyed pursuing beautiful women. My workplace was close to my wife’s grandmother’s house, and since there were no phones for easy communication, interactions were much more direct. She and her mother were running a business in Kano, but she always visited Ilesa, where her grandmother lived, once a month.
The first time I saw her, I was immediately struck by her beauty. I even called her “Beautiful Orange” because she was so captivating. I tried to approach her, but she didn’t respond favourably at first. She told me she didn’t want to marry me. Women often played hard to get in those days. She even reported me to her grandmother, who gave me a stern warning to stay away from her granddaughter. She even threatened to have me imprisoned if I didn’t stop bothering her.
One day, as I was riding my bicycle, I saw her coming towards me. She tried to avoid me, and in the process, the food she was selling split. Embarrassed, she went to tell her grandmother, and I, being somewhat timid, didn’t dare approach her. Her grandmother came to where I was standing and instructed some people to hold me in place so I would be unable to run away, and said something that changed everything: “If you want to marry a wife, you come and seek her properly, not by causing trouble.” And that’s how our relationship began and eventually led to marriage.
What aspects of her personality did you find most interesting?
Initially, it was her beauty that caught my attention. In those days, physical appearance was often the primary factor in attracting someone’s interest. We would approach beautiful women first and only later would we consider their personality or attitude.
It was only after beginning a relationship and spending time together that one could truly gauge whether a marriage would endure. If one partner had a problematic attitude that the other could not tolerate, it could lead to divorce, which was a common occurrence back then, perhaps even more so than today.
What truly stood out about her, beyond her physical beauty, were her humility, respectfulness, and overall loveliness. Despite our deep connection, no marriage is without its challenges. My wife and I faced frequent conflicts. We were at odds nearly every three days for the first eleven years of our marriage. These constant disagreements were a source of significant tension.
However, we eventually managed to address the root causes of our issues. As we worked through our differences, we developed a stronger bond that lasted for many years, until her passing.
I got married at the age of 28 in 1958; a decision shaped by the circumstances of that era. In my younger years, the focus was more on pursuing beautiful women rather than on marriage itself. However, when it was time to settle down, I made that commitment, moving from a time of youthful pursuits to a more stable and settled phase of life.
Marriage, as I have learned, is fundamentally about understanding and respecting one another. There is no such thing as a perfect marriage. The key is mutual respect and a willingness to work through problems together. Many modern relationships struggle because people often lack these crucial elements. Respect and understanding are essential for a lasting and fulfilling partnership.
Your wife has passed on; what are the things you miss most about her?
Discussing this topic is quite challenging for me because her passing was very painful, and moving on has been incredibly difficult. She passed away in 2014 at 74 years old. The absence of my wife left a void that is hard to fill, and the memories of her are bittersweet.
However, amidst the grief, I find solace and gratitude in my children. They bring immense joy to my life with their kindness and thoughtfulness. They are always attentive and consistently check in on me to ensure I am well. Their love and support provide a comforting reminder of the family we built together and offer me strength as I navigate life without her.
What are the most important lessons you’ve learned about raising a family?
Raising our children was a deeply fulfilling experience for both me and my wife. We made it a priority to raise them well, and I am proud to say that they have never caused us any embarrassment. Their behaviour and accomplishments brought us great joy, and I consider this aspect of our lives to be one of the most rewarding.
In the past, school fees were relatively affordable, making it easier to provide children with a good education. However, today’s economic climate in Nigeria has made it challenging to manage educational expenses. The current high cost of schooling can be a significant burden.
I have also observed that many people today tend to live beyond their means, trying to match the lifestyle of others rather than living within their own means. For instance, there’s a tendency to mimic the choices of others, such as sending children to prestigious schools, even if it strains one’s finances.
You mentioned being involved in politics. What motivated you?
I don’t want to delve too deeply into this, but my interest in politics began at a time when I was deeply passionate about it. Politics was something I truly loved, but it wasn’t a common pursuit for many people back then. It was Chief Obafemi Awolowo who introduced us to the world of politics. If it hadn’t been for Awolowo’s influence and the establishment of the Action Group in 1954, I might never have ventured into politics.
I officially joined politics in 1956. During my time as the chairman of the People’s Democratic Party in Ilesa, I invested a great deal, both financially and personally.
The political landscape was fraught with danger; I even came close to losing my life due to the numerous challenges and conspiracies I faced. Although I prefer not to dwell too much on the associated difficulties, they were significant and impactful.
Over time, I became disillusioned with the corruption and animosity that permeated the political scene, particularly in Nigeria. The current state of affairs in the country has become increasingly alarming. Consequently, I decided to retire from politics this year, choosing to step away from a field that no longer aligns with my values or hopes for the future.
What are the things you are grateful for?
I am very grateful to God for many things. I went through a tough time for about two weeks when I was very ill and close to death. I stayed at my daughter’s place in Lagos and was battling serious eye problems and other health issues. If it weren’t for God, I don’t know what would have happened.
Before then, I couldn’t write or do much, and my vision was so poor that even motorcycle riders took advantage of me, giving me the wrong change. If I gave them N1,000, they would give me change as if I had given only N500. My health has improved a lot, and I’m thankful for that.
I also appreciate the love and support from my family, especially my dear wife, who has passed away, my wonderful children, and my friends, who have always been there for me. I am thankful for the wisdom and experiences I’ve gained, which have taught me many valuable lessons.
I enjoy simple things like watching the sunrise and listening to the news. I love telling jokes and spending time with my loved ones. I am also grateful for the gift of good people.
