The joke on inflation is no longer on the working class and the poor to tighten their financial belts to the point of being squeezed to death. According to Laz, a reputable chartered accountant: “A lot of rich men’s net worth have decreased considerably in the last few years, and most of them are worried about the effect on their wives and children.
The average ‘rich’ man is doing all he could to hide his fall in fortune by taking on debt to pay for his wife’s extravagant clothes and trips to visit the kids in schools abroad. I’ve literally had to sit such men who are my clients down and tell them they had to tell their wives to stop spending so much. The ones who’d managed to land second wives with champagne tastes are scared such wives could leave when their financial situation changes so drastically.
“The wealthy seldom speak publicly about their finances, in good times or bad. But, my colleagues who provide services to the wealthy tell me they are getting an earful about their clients’ financial anxieties. That their clients are definitely living on considerable less than they did a couple of years ago. These financial problems – if they can be called that – will hardly elicit tears from the rest of us who truly know where the shoes pinch, but there really is a quiet nervousness about keeping up appearances amongst the rich. The money is there alright, but its buying power is limp!”
And with a lot of political lepers now littering the streets, the fear of inflation and lack of ready ‘national cake’ portions is an issue. “Apart from the fear of the spouses doing a runner when they discover that their net worth has collapsed, friends and business associates (more like fair weather friends) could avoid socialising with them when they are broke. And these snubs could trickle down to their children who might not get invited to posh birthday parties if they switch schools!”, said Laz.
Before you start feeling really sorry for these poor-rich dudes, they have a lot of buffers the average citizen doesn’t have. They are addressing their distress in discreet and often awkward ways. A lot of them, when they were in the corridors of power, were into real estate and shares. Instead of going to their bankers for yet another overdraft they might not honour, they approach relevant agents and brokers to sell what they could.
According to Laz, “Most of them will approach you to sell their assets and ask how quickly they can get the payments. The quicker such deals close, the happier they’ll be. Other wealthy clients are cutting luxuries that they think their friends and relatives won’t notice. For instance, wives are selling precious jewellery they rarely wear because friends wouldn’t notice that they’re gone. If they sold their jeeps or expensive state-of-the-art cars, friends and catty relatives will sneer.” And if you ever wondered what a lot of these ‘society’ ladies do with their expensive aso-ebi after the events they wore them for; the good news is that there is a thriving second-hand market at Idumota for instance, where such are snapped up.
According to reports from posh hairdressing salons, stylists grumble about how customers are stretching the life span of their expensive weave-ons and extensions to every three months instead of the recommended four weeks. ‘They would rather poach some of our workers to give them home treatments for considerably less, than pay our fees. Some don’t even bat an eyelid when they sit with other sweaty clients at various local markets to get the same results they get at posh salons for next to nothing!”, said Lara, owner of a posh hairdressing salon.
“The drop in wealth,” continued Laz, “has also exposed other personal problems, like bad marriages. Money – which bought jewellery and extravagant parties – helped smooth over many matrimonial problems and masked anxiety. Now that its power is dwindling, the wives might not be so sympathetic. Personal trainers have had to be replaced with local Calabar masseuse who charges considerably less and gets the same results….”
If things are this bad for most of the rich and mighty who still have to support their various extended families, heaven only know-how well lesser mortals will fare. The problem is not the Naira, it is its purchasing power that has reduced all of us to economists desperate to make ends meet! The rich might feel depressed flinging off plots of lands and jewellery, but what do the working class and poor have to fling – their cooking pots?!
False Impression? (Humour)
A woman goes into a bar and notices a man with the biggest feet she’s ever seen. “Is it true what they say about men with large feet?” she asks him. “It sure is,” the guy grins. “Why don’t you come home with me and let me prove it?”
So she spends the night with him and in the morning she hands him N10,000. “Well, thank you,” he says, a bit embarrassed. “No one has ever paid me for my services before. I’m flattered.” “Don’t be,” the woman says sharply. “Just take the money and buy some shoes that fit.”
