Why a new dad and his partner are equally important in their child’s life
PREGNANCY for Dads-to-be: Everything you need to know from Conception to Birth is a book currently making waves in the UK.
Written by Adam Carpenter, it helps expectant and new dads get into the swing of childcare and gives as much as the new mothers – if not more! According to him, becoming a parent is a life-changing event.
Alongside mastering the skills of nappy changing, bottle-feeding and settling a crying baby come sleepless nights, money worries and concerns about your baby’s health and development.
“But while much of the emphasis is on how a mother copes during pregnancy and in the first few months after the baby’s birth, new dads are often left struggling in the background, quietly trying to control their own fears and anxieties. As a man you may feel a step behind, with more to learn about parenting.
Here Adam, the author and a father of two, offers advice on how to overcome those new dad nerves.
Research: Women are the ones who carry the baby and give birth but that doesn’t give them a head start in being a great parent. They’re just more likely to have read up on what to do once the baby is born.
Often, it’s a lack of research on a dad’s part that causes him to worry. It takes effort to be a good parent and that effort has to begin before the birth.
Get Organised: The more you organised before baby’s arrival, the more in control you’ll feel. Practice kitting out the change bag with nappies, wipes, creams, spare clothes and everything else needed. This will make it quicker and easier for you to pack the bag when distracted by a baby screaming in the background. Familiarising yourself with all the kit, including the car seat, will make things less stressful once the baby
arrives.
Be a more hands-on-dad: Offering to share night feeds will give your partner a break and help you to feel closer to your baby. If your partner is breastfeeding she might want to express milk using a breast pump so you can feed with a bottle. Bathing your baby and changing their nappy also help you to bond. After your baby’s birth, make sure to enjoy skin-on-skin contact. This strengthens the feeling within you to nurture and protect.
Don’t be a spare part: The more in control you feel, the less likely you are to feel pushed out by bossier female relatives. Taking on parenting duties straightaway means you can confidently say: ‘I can do this.’ Never allow yourself to feel like a spare part. You and your partner are equally the most important people in your child’s life and don’t forget it!
Find other dads: Go to parent and baby groups. You’ll be made to feel welcome and there will probably be other dads there too. Your local children’s centre should have details.
Don’t hide your feelings: Many men hide their nerves to avoid appearing ‘weak’. But feelings of anxiety are intensified once you’re a dad. Suddenly, you have this little person to support and you don’t want to feel like a failure. But opening up about your concerns is a sign of strength, not weakness. Anxiety about finances is one of the top reasons why new dads lose sleep, but remember your baby doesn’t need fancy clothing and expensive equipment to feel happy. Love is the greatest gift you can give your child, so don’t worry about all the things you can’t afford. Also remember that when a baby comes along, your priorities shift. Finances are redirected, as you no longer spend money socialising the way you might have before your baby arrived.
A Good Waiter Is As Discreet As A Diplomat!
Two months ago, I had lunch at my favourite restaurant with an old friend. One of the waiters, a favourite, made a fuss over me … offering me delicacies he knew I was particularly partial to – including the wine, of course! A couple of days later, I showed up again at the same restaurant with a different guest.
“Would madam like to wait at her usual corner while I get the table ready?, he asked enthusiastically. My guest frowned. When the table was ready, the waiter sat us down with yet more fuss: “I got you your favourite table,” he enthused. My guest’s frown deepened. As I ordered, the waiter tempted me with side dishes I usually favoured and my guest wore a long murderous look.
During lunch, he hovered again wanting to know if I wanted a carafe of my favourite wine or a whole bottle. That did it! “Look here man,” fumed my guest, “I’ve had enough of your silly pranks. Why don’t you go and serve the rest of your clients!” You can guess which waiter got the smallest tip that day! Which goes to
show that there is much more to being a waiter, than keeping a thumb out of the soup.
According to a seasoned waiter giving tips in a London newspaper, … A waiter is a diplomat who not only knows how to serve food, he stops your girlfriend from bumping into your wife – or your boyfriend from bumping into your husband. ‘To avoid making a fool of yourself, a good waiter must be an information officer as well as a gourmet”, he said.
A head waiter welcomed a famous businessman and a lady friend with the words: …Good afternoon, sir, I am afraid I haven’t a table for you today.” The angry businessman demanded the reason. The head waiter leaned forward and whispered: “The reason, sir, is that your wife is here.” He had mastered the art of diplomacy worth its weight in tips.
So what makes the perfect waiter? The best waiters are showmen. A waiter in action is very much on stage. And, if you are honest, you’ll admit you enjoy every moment of it. Most people who eat out love to be pampered.
