I considered suicide after being impregnated by rapist – Physically challenged hairstylist
Twenty-seven-year-old Chidera Kalu, a hairstylist from Abia State, stands as a symbol of resilience, having endured a traumatic past marked by sexual violence and a disability caused by medical negligence in childhood. In this interview with TEMITOPE ADETUNJI, she speaks about navigating the challenges of her past, overcoming low self-esteem, and how she transformed her pain intopurpose
What were some of the early challenges you encountered while growing up?
I was not born with a physical disability. Tragically, when I was just two years old, I was wrongly administered an injection that altered the course of my life. By the time I was four, my condition had deteriorated significantly, with my legs becoming bent and making it a struggle to walk. From the age of four to six, it became increasingly challenging. I relied heavily on my hands and legs for mobility, making even the simplest daily activity a monumental task.
Reflecting on my childhood, it is painful to acknowledge that I didn’t truly enjoy those formative years. I felt isolated, watching other children run and play, while I remained on the sidelines, unable to join. At one point, my parents even wondered if I was dumb, as I hardly spoke and would often sit in silence for hours on end. This silence masked a deep-seated sorrow that significantly impacted my self-esteem.
What actions did your parents take when they realised you were given a wrong injection?
My mother was a beacon of support during those dark times. She did everything within her power to find a solution to my condition. She took me to numerous specialist hospitals and clinics with high hopes that I would receive help. My father also tried his best, but my mother’s unwavering dedication stood out. It was heartbreaking for her to witness my struggles, yet she never lost hope and continued to search for answers. She encouraged me to love myself and never allow anyone to look down on me and constantly reminded me that there are people I am much better than.
Were you able to attend school?
Unfortunately, I couldn’t start school early due to numerous obstacles. Some people even advised my mother to enrol me in a school for children with disabilities because mainstream schools were unwilling to accept a child like me. Eventually, I was fortunate enough to be admitted to a primary school run by a compassionate Ghanaian.
After completing primary school education, my father wanted to enrol me in a special school for physically challenged students, but I refused. I could not accept the label of disability, and in my stubbornness, I stayed at home for three years. It felt like a denial of my personality, and I was determined not to be defined by my condition.
My father even paid a carpenter to make crutches for me and I resisted using them initially. I didn’t want to be seen as someone deserving of pity or treated differently. Eventually, after much internal conflict, I agreed to use the crutches to aid mobility.
I practised diligently for over a year, but even then, I preferred to sit down whenever visitors came to our home. I dreaded the questions about my condition and the looks of sympathy that I found so difficult to bear.
I progressed to secondary school, beginning from Junior Secondary School 2. Luckily, I was able to complete my senior secondary education in Lagos, where I was born and raised.
Why didn’t you further your education?
I sat for JAMB exam thrice but unfortunately, I couldn’t gain admission into any of the universities. It was very discouraging, especially since I also faced financial difficulties. That was why I decided to learn hairdressing and start making hair for people; it is an inbuilt gift because I became quite good within a few months.
How do you feel about not being able to gain admission to higher institution?
Whenever I think about it, I feel sad. I have always dreamt of becoming a journalist or newscaster, but that dream didn’t become a reality. However, life goes on, and I always try to stay hopeful.
How long have you been working as a hairstylist?
I don’t own a shop at the moment but I have been in the hair-making business for the past 10 years.
I went into it because I didn’t want to be idle. I look forward to having my salon but finance has been a challenge. Still, I believe that there’s nothing God cannot do.
Share your experience regarding the surgeries carried out on your legs
I underwent corrective surgeries on my legs on January 18 and 30, 2019. I later had the removal of implants in them on September 29, 2020, and March 2, 2021, all thanks to a good Samaritan who helped me out.
Did you feel better after the surgeries?
Yes! I felt much better and more confident in myself. The corrective surgeries improved my appearance and significantly boosted my self-esteem. Before, my condition was quite challenging and pathetic.
Was there ever a time when you felt depressed about your condition before the surgeries?
Yes, there was a particularly dark period when I became pregnant after being raped. The man involved denied the pregnancy, claiming he would never choose to be with someone like me – a physically challenged woman.
It was painful and devastating, not just because I was pregnant out of wedlock, but because it was a traumatic experience.
When I realised I was pregnant, my world felt like it had shattered. The weight of the situation was overwhelming. I felt lost, broken and unsure of how to move forward.
However, deep down, I knew I had to keep going and be strong for the life growing inside me.
Despite the despair, I realised that giving up was not an option. I couldn’t end my life when there was another who was so fragile and innocent, depending on me.
I battled depression for years but eventually had to accept my fate. I learned to love myself.
The shocking part is that he was a family friend. When confronted by my family, he denied everything, insulted me and still stressed that he would never choose to be with someone who looked like a “rejected sacrifice.”
That hurt deeply. However, I’ve learnt over time not to engage in arguments or exchange harsh words with people who are cruel to me. I choose to rise above that.
Interestingly, this man who caused me so much pain has been begging for forgiveness.
He is now married and his wife recently had a baby. My child is 10 years old.
I usually remind myself that having a disability doesn’t mean the end of the world. The real end of the world comes when you don’t accept yourself.
If you keep looking down on yourself, no one else will see your worth. I had to develop a thick skin long ago.
Despite using crutches, my disability doesn’t stop me from doing household chores. I can go wherever I want. The only things I struggle with are fetching water and running, but I manage all other chores comfortably. I live alone in Port Harcourt and am used to taking care of myself.
What are some of the biggest misconceptions people have about your condition?
People have weird misconceptions about individuals living with disabilities. They often pity us for no reason and assume we are fragile and unproductive.
I remember a time when I was desperately looking for a job because I had run out of my medications.
I dislike asking others for money, no matter the circumstances, so I decided to apply for jobs instead.
There was a particular woman I approached to work for as a sales assistant. She told me, “I don’t want to stress you, and I’m worried your people will come after me.”
I felt crushed. I tried to explain that the job was flexible and that I could handle it, but she refused to consider me because of my condition.
It’s disheartening when people can’t see beyond a person’s disability. I truly believe everyone has abilities, regardless of their challenges. That’s why, on my Facebook page, I prefer to say I’m “differently abled” rather than disabled. There are things I can do that many people can’t. Yet, people often question and doubt my ability.
How do you stay strong during challenging times?
There was a moment when I almost poisoned myself because I felt overwhelmed. But then, I remembered that I’ve always been strong since childhood and had to tell myself that I can’t be defeated now. Even on days when I don’t feel strong, I still remind myself of the need to keep moving forward.
Who or what has been your biggest support system?
First and foremost, I have to say, God. Without Him, I wouldn’t be here today. My late mother was also a huge source of support. She encouraged me whenever I felt down and taught me how to socialise and explore the world.
I recall visiting Lagos and seeing people begging on the streets. I came home in tears, and she reminded me that there are always people who are worse off than I am. She inspired me to seek out experiences beyond my struggles, but sadly, she is no longer with us.
When did your mother pass away?
She died on November 25, 2017, and my dad, on February 26, 2023.
How have you been coping since then?
My elder brother has been of great help, but I have also learned to be my support system. I discovered the importance of providing emotional support for myself
Are you currently in a relationship?
No, I’m single. I have had men approach me, but many seem to be interested only in a physical relationship, which I’m not ready for.
What are you grateful to God for?
Firstly, I am thankful for the gift of life. Every new day is a chance to be happy, loved and grow, and I appreciate that.
Secondly, I am very grateful for my child. The joy and love she brings to me so much. She gives me happiness and purpose. She reminds me of the beauty in simple things and encourages me to be a better person.
I am also thankful for how far God has brought me. When I look back, I see the challenges I have faced and the lessons learnt. Each difficulty has made me stronger and helped me appreciate the good times even more.
I am grateful for my family and friends; those who support me during hard times and celebrate with me during happy moments.
Additionally, I appreciate the opportunities I have had in my personal and work life. Every little step forward is a sign of God’s help and guidance. I also thank God for my health, which allows me to enjoy my passion and make memories with my loved ones.
Lastly, I am grateful for the peace and comfort that comes from my faith. Trusting in God gives me strength during uncertain times and helps me deal with life’s ups and downs.
I thank God for all these blessings and try to live each day with gratitude in my heart.
